How do you attract a Girl? by Bob Baynes
I’ve never been out with a girl, not because I don’t want to, it’s just that I really don’t know how to break the ice, start the ball rolling, that sort of thing. And I’ve always been wrapped up in my sports which are necessarily solitary – cross country running and cross country skiing, middle distance running in the summer and so on. You get a good old sweat on training and competing, and a shower takes precedence over anything else, by which time it’s usually a bit late to go out socialising.
Anyway, this particular evening I was up at the local gastatte with some pals after I’d finished training – and showering – and Geoff Rooke, a big handsome, charming and urbane chap, was there with his latest conquest in tow, Samantha.
I studied her surreptitiously; she was quiet, modest, rather reserved really. But clearly very much her own woman, sensible, confident and how can I put it? Attractive in a rather understated way? Anyway, I really didn’t think much more about it because I was never going to compete with Geoff on his chosen ground of dealing with the opposite sex.
As the evening wore on and a few beers slipped down, I couldn’t help noticing that Sam’s figure was about as near perfect as you could ask for. Much as I wanted to look more closely, Sam would glance my way, and so I had to avert my eyes; engaging her in conversation was difficult as I was rather tongue tied. I knew I couldn’t be anywhere near as interesting and witty as Geoff.
When Geoff’s round came up, we all had to shift our seats to allow him out. As we sat down again, I found that I was next to Sam, and the seating was so tight that I could feel the comfortable warmth of her body seeping through to mine, more confusion. Sam was chatting away with everyone, oblivious of the physical effect that she was having on me. I tried to join in with the general discussion, but everything that I said sounded spiky, against the general flow and certainly wasn’t going to raise a laugh.
It was embarrassing enough to feel Sam’s shoulder touching mine, but soon I became aware of her leg, a shapely warm leg, well thigh really, pressed up against mine. I knew I should move away, but I convinced myself there wasn’t room, and anyway, I didn’t want to. I just prayed that Sam was unaware, I didn’t want her to think I was lecherous. When she talked she unknowingly moved her body against mine which was the most delicious feeling. I was getting beyond distracted and virtually inarticulate.
Someone cracked a joke, quite a good one as it happened, and as Sam laughed, her head tilted my way enough for her lightly perfumed hair to brush against my cheek, and she quite unconsciously placed her hand, very briefly, on mine. Now and again we would glance at each other, our eyes would meet, I saw nothing but warmth and humour in hers, but what did she see in mine?
The evening came to an end and we said our farewells. Sam very casually gave me a brief farewell kiss with her soft, warm lips. If only she knew the effect she was having on me with her unconscious touches. How could I ever hope to attract her enough to ask her out?
Women are from Venus, men are from Mars. No doubt if the narrator had taken her up on her signals, she’d have screamed about sexual harassment and run to Geoff.
I very much enjoyed this and how it shows that we’re all at mercy of what’s inside our heads. ‘If only she knew the effect she was having on me’ …. what a minx.
If the narrator could not read the far from subtle signals emanating from the shapely Sam, there’s not much hope for him, I’m afraid!
From Simon: One of the things I keep banging on about is how much of character writing depends on the difference between someone’s self-perception and how they are seen by other people. This piece is a particularly good example of that principle at work. The unnamed narrator has got himself into a mindset of self-depreciation. He doesn’t think he’s attractive to the opposite sex – a feeling that most people have gone through at some stage of their life, particularly in adolescence. So he’s written off his chances before he starts. He’s ruled himself out as a competitor in the game of relationships. He thinks everyone one else – especially ‘a big, handsome, charming and urbane chap’ like Geoff Rooke – is infinitely more successful than he will ever be. As a result, the narrator misreads the signals he is receiving from Sam. Although, given all his fitness training, he is probably an attractive man, his sense of failure is so ingrained, it never occurs to him that she could be coming on to him. Which makes the piece both believable and rather sad.