Truth or Lie by Lucy Deedes
A You can say what you like, but our Queen has proper dignity. Even in an old mac and gumboots, she’s just got it.
B It’s an actor, it’s not the real Queen.
A You’re too young to understand.
B I’m old enough to know how much an actor gets paid.
A Look at that sitting room! On the boat…. How does that vase of flowers not fall over, that’s what I want to know.
B Sshh I want to hear what that old boot Thatcher is saying.
A She always talks with her head on one side, doesn’t she? Like a bird.
B A chicken.
A She’s not having any, is she? Look at her go with her red pen, like a teacher. And her hair reminds me of a walnut whip. We used to love those.
B He’s fit.
A He’s the one’s going to save the day. I like a man with a proper shirt and cufflinks. Nobody bothers with cufflinks now.
B I quite fancy him…and he’s a writer.
A I’d like a man to bow to me like that. They had beautiful manners back then
B I actually fancy Prince Philip – is that wrong?
A Well he’s young there, isn’t he. He was a handsome man.
B Ha! Look at old Thatcher turning up late for the photo, and they’re all waiting!
A I call that very rude. She is being difficult. Perhaps it’s the Change.
B Ugh.
A That colour scheme is lovely isn’t it? In her drawing room, or receiving room, whatever it is. You’d never think such strong yellow and green would work like that. Now it’s all Elephant’s Bottom and Mouse’s Breath.
B We should have a fender like that, round the fireplace.
A But the fire doesn’t work, love.
B Give us a bit more seating though.
A I say! Look at that Sarah Ferguson, waving like she’s watching the rugby.
B They look happy enough. They should have left them alone.
A She was a bit common, poor thing. I expect she was jealous of Diana.
B Saint Diana.
A You weren’t born then but she was an angel, we all thought so.
B All those frills! Lacy collars. Velvet hairbands. Thank God we don’t have to wear those now.
A They looked lovely, feminine like a woman should look. You wouldn’t catch Diana in a pair of jeans with holes in or those big boots you wear.
B Did they really talk like that back then? Like thet?
A Oh everyone talked better back then, even the men on the BBC. None of that Channel English you get now.
B Estuary.
A The Queen looks a bit stout there. I always say a twinset and one of those tartan kilts does nothing for a woman. Makes anyone look stumpy.
B I never knew all these things went on! What a horrible bunch of tossers they are.
A As you said, dear, they’re just actors.
Jackie: I really liked the generation divide that became more apparent as the piece went along
I think the last line is the most interesting, potentially….are we all actors in the great cosmic soap opera?
From Simon: This is a nicely topical piece, addressing the latest series of The Crown and touching on the discussion about how accurate its reconstruction of events is. I liked the way the different generations of the two women are reflected in the things they say. I’m not sure whether they’re mother and daughter or mother and granddaughter. That’s not a criticism, because either way the scene works. The older woman’s unquestioning loyalty to the Queen is well expressed, as is her view that Princess Diana was ‘an angel’. And there are telling details which identify her age. She likes ‘a man with a proper shirt and cufflinks’, she’s dismissive of the silly names given to colours by modern paint manufacturers, and she gets the expression ‘Estuary English’ wrong. There is affection in the relationship between the two women, but they think very differently about a lot of things, and that difference is well expressed in the way they react to what they’re watching. In other words, this piece draws out exactly what the exercise was meant to do.
Haha, lots of fun, loved walnut whip and stumpy and lots more