Google boxing by Rhona Gorringe
Goggle boxing, for George, d/line Thu 3 Dec. Zoom Tue 10th (496 words)
Hurry, it’s about to start. Just a top up, please, Sweetheart. I’ve been waiting for this all day! don’t know who it is tonight, though. It was good last week, David and Ruth.
Well, it’s only half an hour and then we can turn to Trent Bridge. I’m not that keen on these country folk but I don’t mind seeing a bit of Joleen. Is she in the shower?
Roddy, that was years ago. Where’ve you been? Look, there’s a chap on a tractor. Wonder who that is? Turn up the sound. You’ve got the remote. Mind your beer mug.
Where is it? oh, here, wondered what I was sitting on. Before I turn it up you’ve got to guess who it is. I say it could be Tony on his restored Fergie.
Hmmm, maybe David. Can’t see into the cab. It would be nice to run a farm, perhaps. I can see you on a tractor or effortlessly tossing bales of hay, like Poldark and I could bottle feed the lambs. Perhaps when we get …Don’t give me that look!
There! We’re both wrong. It’s Brian, he called out ‘Jenny’. She’s his wife isn’t she? “Goodness, he’s got a face like a tortoise or Lonesome George from the Galapagos. Never imagined him to look like that!
He’s married to Shula. She’s Gemini, same as me and Aunt Beatrice. D’you remember her, Mum’s oldest sister. You spilled orange juice on her cardigan and it was cashmere!
Sorry, Sweetie, not with you. Must have missed something. I thought Alistair was and before him that Mark chap. Didn’t he fall off a roof?
No, in real life. Anyway that was Nigel, Elizabeth’s husband, from Lower Loxley but not in real life. Roddy, don’t spoil this for me. I know you prefer Sky Sports but after all the years of only hearing their voices, it’s fascinating to see what they look like.
Sorry, dear heart! I don’t want to spoil it for you but can’t relate to these characters. Gosh, look at that sky. It looks thunderous. Hope it doesn’t stop play. Forecast said rain later.
Shush, this must be Jill. Yes, I thought so. She looks just as she sounds. Look she’s taking something out of the oven.”
Perhaps it’s a bun. Ha, ha.
Not funny, Roddy. She’s a National Treasure and a widow. Mum and Aunt Beatrice always listened to this, regularly, quarter to seven in the evening and the omnibus at weekends.
Emily, Love, I don’t want to be a killjoy but what’s the story to this pantomime?
Take too long to explain. Oh, no, it’s over. Wonder who they’ll have next week.
I’ll just get another beer before I switch over and Tufnell starts. D’you want topping up? Bugger! that’s done it.
Done what, darling, what?
The remote’s fallen into my beer.
Rhona hasn’t got a telly and I have never listened to the Archers, so this was hard for me! But it is a nice interplay between the characters
A pleasantly jumbled conversation with shades of ADHD…thanks Rhona.
from Simon: This is a neat interpretation of the brief – particularly from someone who doesn’t have a gogglebox. The idea of The Archers on television is amusingly incongruous. Emmerdale also has a rural setting but, from what I’ve heard of it (I’ve never watched it), is vastly different. And it’s good to be reacquainted with Emily and Roddy. The dialogue works well, in terms of telling us about the characters. From their relaxed manner, the short sentences, the way the subject matter dodges about, we know they’ve spent a lot of time together. Their differing priorities are also clues to who they are. And the reminiscent references to Aunt Beatrice set their lives in a context. I also like the pointing-up of the contrast between radio and television. When they’re only receiving sound, the audience inevitably make up their own images of the fictional characters. Television is much more prescriptive. It tells you exactly what people look like and leaves less space for the listener’s imagination.
Love the ending, brilliant