All that glitters is not gold by Johnny Barclay

Dearest Celeste,

Oh my goodness! Where to start?

“ Yes, we have no bananas!” I know that’s very silly and you can tell I’m nervous but it made me laugh – still does. Remember singing it at school – you, your sister and me?

“ It started with a kiss” – your favourite, and it did – childhood sweethearts of the eighties, gold-diggers in the Free State, miles from anywhere and carefree.

And I did fancy you then- still do. Olive shiny skin – shimmering almost – dark eyes and brown hair, wavy down to the shoulders. Dimples on each cheek. Pretty. Identical of course to Daniella – confusing it was. In those days I suppose I fancied you both, bound to, but it was you I fell in love with.

It was that wretched braai that did for me, all those farmers with their thick necks drinking beer……” Have another Castle, Franzie, drink up my friend “, followed by the dreaded slap on the back. And the smell of burning meat and boerewors and Millie pap, all smouldering away while we drank – and smoke too. An overflow of party friendship and goodwill which threw me off my guard. If only you’d been there!

And then it happened. Easy mistake to make in the fading glow of the flat landscape. Into a field of tall mielies we strolled to pass the time while the meat cooked. She smelt the same as you and even had those two little moles on the right side of her neck – though I suppose on the left side when reflected in a mirror. I fell for it, taken by surprise, for the first time since school.

Oh dear, things got worse when we lay down amongst the spiky stems. All of a sudden I was on red alert in that field of unexpected passion when she murmured something unexpected in my ear,

“ Do you believe in immaculate conception?” I had always thought the Dutch Reform Church had much to answer for, but this question came out of the blue and caught me unawares . While I gathered my wits and came to my senses, I recognised the terrible mistake I had made amidst alcohol, smoke and mielies. You see , you would never have said such a thing – I know that for sure. A dreadful case of mistaken identity.

Remember at school being told by the teacher to stand in the corner and not to come out until ready to say sorry? That’s me now!

My problem is you both look exactly the same on the outside – fools everyone, including me. But turned inside out you are all zing and fizz, quite different, no spiky stems nor flat lemonade.

So , dearest Cel, I know my excuse is weak but I just can’t bear to live in a world where no one is given a second chance – especially in a case of mistaken identity.

Please forgive me,

Franzie.